I usually peel or chop the onions in my household. I apparently lack the requisite tear ducts of a normal person. This comes in handy when watching “Brian’s Song” type movies in the presence of my guy friends.  I do have sweat glands which my daughter doesn’t seem to appreciate.

I apparently also have other physical anomalies that inure me to the inane rhetoric of the media induced election cycles; I seem to be tone deaf and suffer from A.D.D every four years.

Presently, one side of the beltway is touting the fact that President Obama seemed to misspell “OHIO” during a campaign swing and the other side is reveling in the insensitive ravings of a certain Missouri Republican Congressman.

The world collectively yawns since tomorrow another Democrat or Republican will be the flavor of the month or the heel of the week.  The media baits us with their feeble offerings to see if we bite and more often than not, we do.  But, what if we didn’t?

Our attention span is limited which is why bumper stickers are so popular during an election year.  So let’s put aside our NY Times and CNN and live life according to what you can “tweet” or put on a bumper sticker.  My offerings for your approval;


I used to have a problem with inferiority until I simply got  

                new friends with lower expectations.


I had a problem with bad drivers but now      

I just run them off the road.


 I used to have problems with unqualified people until I realized  

  I don’t have to keep re-electing them to public office.


 I used to let a village  raise my child until I realized my    

                 village was raising too many idiots.


I used to be impatient with stupid people…  

so now I don’t hang around with “actor” types.


 I use to believe that the government should take care of me  

              from the “cradle to the grave” until I saw them    

        at work in the DMV and Post office.


 I used to worry about saying things that offended people  

   so now I hang around a bunch of deaf people.


 I used to tire of protesters who never seem to

find  anything “right” with our country until    

  I found they make pretty good speed bumps.


 I used to worry about what people thought of me until I decided

that I could live quite adequately with their displeasure.


 I used to be upset with liberals until I realize  

there are some obnoxious conservatives as well.


 I used to be upset at racists until        

    I realized 9% of Americans still think Elvis is alive.


 I used to grow weary of the bias in the media       

until they invented the TV remote Control.


 I use to worry about being “politically correct” until         

I realized it was more important to be “ethically correct”.


 I used to judge people by what they said and did until I realized

 there is a God above who loves us all equally.


I am acutely aware that life’s riddles are complicated and can’t be solved simply with a bumper sticker.  I don’t mean to trivialize the complexities of our modern world or the importance of a key political election year.  But for today, let some news editor sit idly by as we deem what shall occupy our attention span just for the moment.  I hope it is humor or irreverent satire.



Skip to toolbar